Comments on: Closing Doors Softly

By: jerrycolonna

jerrycolonna — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 23:53:17 +0000

We are indeed all human. On the whole, I'd have to say, I've loved my 40s.

By: Tereza

Tereza — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 22:56:36 +0000

I spent a lot of time on shoulds but they're gone now.

I think my definition of "all" is more measured than it may have
sounded. It can never be all things at one time. We're human and not
perfect and that's a good thing. I just really want to nurture some
positive inclinations which haven't seen enough action (these include
my children).

And this 40 thingy is a partial trigger of that.

By: jerrycolonna

jerrycolonna — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 19:18:37 +0000

Thanks Tereza…of course you're not wrong. But having it all (at the same no less)—well that sounds like a pretty daunting task…or, even more, maybe even a distracting pursuit.
Perhaps one way to approach this, and this is a managled interpretation of what Robert Johnson suggests, is to recognize the various lives within you (lived and unlived) and–in effect–cut deals between them.
I love Suburban Dad within me but I'm even more comfortably with Suburban Dad knowing that as my kids grow–and my youngest turns 13 this June–their need for me to live out that life will lessen (as will my need) and these other characters in the orchestra of my mind can step forward a little more assertively.

“Supposed to”'s and “shoulds”–especially those externally generated and then internalize–can be painful, tragic tools. If you were a client, I'd suggest spending some time with those “shoulds” and see whether or not they're yours or aspects of your inheritance.

By: Tereza

Tereza — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 09:29:04 +0000

Jerry, beautiful post. I read it a few days ago and can't let it pass by without throwing my thoughts into the ring, even if belatedly.

I am consumed by a need to create. I suppressed it for a long time. This summer, I turn 40 too. This need to create is not quietly percolating. It's a “get the hell out of my way” feeling, like the Kraken has been unleashed.

Here's how almost-40 feels to me. I had a really early entrepreneurial success, a period of my life which was extremely happy and aligned with my passions. So I've had a taste of that and yearn to do it again. The next 15 years were chock full of “supposed to's”. Getting the MBA. Working for the big consulting firm. Paying off a mountain of debt. Getting married, having kids. Caring for and burying sick parents. Volunteer work. Suddenly, gradually, I became a suburban mom.

But I don't feel like one.

Then last year, someone offered me a test. Like Meyers-Briggs on steroids, including capability assessments. It told me that I'm an off-the-charts entrepreneurial person. That I see things others don't see, and can persuade people to get on board. She said I have no tolerance for working for stupid people, and would need a strong #2 quickly, to “pick up the pieces”. She couldn't believe I lasted in consulting for so many years.

I don't live with regrets. I love my husband and my girls deeply. Yet life is short and I'm not ready to close the door on my passion. On the contrary, I need to tap it and see where it take me.

What can I say, I want it all. Is that so wrong??

By: Steven Stein

Steven Stein — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 02:15:09 +0000

Great post and great blog. It is a pleasure to find content that
resonates and is relavent to my life. Being a serial entrepreneur
"that sirens call" to innovate, contribute, create something from
nothing continues to call me.

With so many ideas and so little time- at 50 I may never bring the
rock opera I wrote and produced in college to broadway but maybe some day...

More than ever i am forced to prioritize, be deliberate. And while
shooting for the stars I'm constantly remined of the George Leonard
quote to "love the plateau" . enjoy the ride, be the Change, be here now etc,etc

It may not be easy to "create" but it can surely be rewarding. Even if
just for the act and process of creating itself,

By: Nigel

Nigel — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 21:35:25 +0000

This is a great post, not only about entrepreneurship but about how we pursue our dreams and what life “should be”. I just came across it as I caught up on reading Fred's blog, and will definitely add your feed to my reader. Coincidentally you posted it on my birthday!

My more complete reaction is here http://www.nigelbeck.com/Birthdays-and-Crossing.... I, for one, hope it will never be too late and “time to put aside childish things”, but that we can instead add our maturity to the creativity and delight that the eyes of a child perceive in all things.

By: Charlie Crystle

Charlie Crystle — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:48:17 +0000

thanks. i'm a genuine entrepreneur, but merging that with meaning has been important to me for some time. Mission Research was one attempt at it, and while it succeeded, staying there made me unhappy. Starting new companies isn't necessarily the answer, and working in nonprofits definitely isn't.

but starting companies is what I know, and I believe that business can be a vehicle for our highest aspirations.

By: jerrycolonna

jerrycolonna — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:47:45 +0000

Will do. Working on a post now.

By: Charlie Crystle

Charlie Crystle — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:45:38 +0000

dear jerry,

blog more.

love, charlie

By: Ryan Graves

Ryan Graves — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 20:35:56 +0000

The term 'shift' implies that she's just moving the same thing to appear fundable, by said VC's standards. I was thinking that if said entrepreneur wanted to make her baby (her dream) a reality she'd have to 'morph' the idea, implying it does actually change, thus potentially changing projected revenues, market, etc.

I'm a noob to this but the way I see it is that there needs to be some flexibility on the side of the entrepreneur if they do want to get to that next level. Whether it be funding, first employee, biz dev partnership, whatever…you're never going to get exactly what you want on YOUR terms. Somethings usually gotta give.